A little thing called "Weight loss"

For the past 5 years my weight has gone up and down. Not being able to maintain a steady weight. In 2008 I was a depressed skinny. My great-grandma had passed away and I didn't take well at all. In a matter of months I drastically lost a good amount of weight. I went from a size 9 to a size 6/7. Which was for was too much. In my high school years I'd never been smaller than an 8. I was forced to go to Counseling and it actually helped. In no time I was back wearing my size 9 jeans.

In 2009 I began to stretch out a bit and slimed down to a 7/8 again. I was doing theater and I'd walk home from school most of the time.( 1 Mile)

Of course summertime came around and like everyone else I was "dedicating " myself to shed some pounds before my junior year began. Major fail....I gained weight no doubt. There was I sporting my size 9's again. Horrible! I actually began to see my self as fat. I knew I was a little over weight but nothing too dramatic. But you know how those high school girls are. I began having late night sessions with my toilet. I swear I don't know how these girls do it. I cant stand the feeling of food coming back up. That didn't last long. I felt guilty even thinking about. Then came the part of actually doing it. Then I had a fight at home and decided to move out. I was told to never come back and I was sooo pissed that I never intended to go back home. In the 3 months I was away from home I was sooo damn depressed I went down to a size 6.I was think but it was done the right way so I felt disgusting just looking myself in the mirror. I was forced to move back home and guess what?? Here comes the weight again!

Finally my senior year I got a job to help pay for all the things having to do with graduation. In came the tricky part....I now had a job....I had money.....Of course I ate fast food everyday for lunch. Dear GOD! There I was at graduation barely fitting into a 9! I felt huge! But my boyfriend didn't complain.

Now we're here....2013.....40lbs heavier than I was at graduation.... completely disappointed in myself. Forcing myself into my 9 that wont even close. My boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs. In 2012 we broke up after a year of dating. I was heart broken and bid ridden. I didn't go to school or work. I wouldn't even leave my house. I was devastated. So now where do you think those extra 40lbs came from. A few months after the break up we decided we couldn't be apart and got back together. Now we're both a little heavier and the fights begin again. I'm being criticized over my weight gain. He asked why and I couldn't answer until it finally hit me. His leaving caused all of this. He was the reason for all my weight gain. I thought he wouldn't buy my excuse....he did. He apologized for even having the thought of leaving me. He asked how he could fix it and now we're here.

I'm going to a gym once a day every day. I'm eating healthy and I'm happy again. We're both happy. I'm happy for myself. I've got a grip on my life once again! 10lbs down and many, many more to go! I cant wait to see more results.

High Expectations

Life doesn't always goes as planned and I guess everyone with a few years on their belt knows that. I know for sure that my life isn't anything like the way I imagined as a child. I used to think that being 21 was old and that I'd be married with children. I was wrong. At 21 I'm barely starting my like, I'm barely figuring out life. No kids, not any being planned anytime soon. Not married, but have found "Mr. Right". Still in college....which by the way I freaking hate! Not that I don't want to go to school and finish, but I don't see the point in so many basics. Isn't that why we took them in middle school and high school. I just don't want to take bull shit classes. I want to be done and start my life. Nothing is going the way I planned or at least thought it would be. Out of my entire life I only have about a handful of people I can trust and actually call friends. People use you. The real world sucks. No one trains you for these things. All the heartbreak, disappointments, horrid people.....why weren't we told about this?
     I used to be so different than who I am now. I used t be extremely happy and optimistic. Now I cant even explain. I'm depressed, I hate my job, I cant rust anyone, family turns out to be your worst enemy....What is this world coming to???